Driven To A Decision

I guess I should document the decision factors that lead to my resignation
For I have a tendency to think back and reprimand myself for not holding it out longer

It started with the year end performance review talk that lasted less than 15min with my LM
She gave me feedback such as I didn’t ‘decorate’ (in the exact words) the documents I send to project managers
If they had wanted me to decorate, jolly well ask me to
Why go such a long way to ask me decorate an excel spreadsheet?!
And who decorates excel spreadsheet anyway?!!!

Either way the year end review talk ended
I nearly hyperventilate when I saw my 2.5 outta 5 score weeks later
All the feedback were untrue and unjustified!

Another person with grade higher than me does something once per year gets “meet expectation” score
I do things right for every month, yet get “under expectation”
WHY?!

A person claimed that I said something which I didn’t
Then I got penalized for it
WHY?!!!!!

The same person has changing standards every week because she couldn’t make up her fucking mind
At the end of the day I get comments that says I hand in low quality work because she has to change it to the way she likes
GO AND DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried setting up expectations call with them
I tried having face to face sessions to try to set a standard
I ended up having to wait for you for hours, then watch you eat lunch before you could talk to me
Give me some respect will you?!

My LM spoke to me on 23 Apr 2012 and dodged my questions for performance review
She told me to put all this behind
A document will be sent to me indicating the areas I should agree on

I was so upset over the conversation that I didn’t turn up for work on 24 Apr 2012
I cried throughout

The document was sent to me on 25 Apr 2012
It again gave me a shock to see terms in the document requiring my signature as follow:

While this review period is currently scheduled for 90 days, it is expected that you will immediately demonstrate a willingness to improve and show immediate progress in the areas noted above.  Failure to do so may result in further action prior to the end of the initial review period.

Immediate and significant improvement in your performance is required. Failure to demonstrate improvement, meet goals and expected behaviors, required outcomes and maintain improved performance may result in further corrective action up to and including termination.

It is agreed and understood that my employment is terminable at the will of either party and that this document is not an employment contract for any specified period of time. My signature indicates I understand the terms, conditions and requirements stated above.

I initiated a chat with my LM’s LM on 26 Apr 2012
The talk was supposed to start at 5pm but she was late for an hour
We went through my year end preview

She mentioned that what I had meant may not be perceived by the other party
The email I wrote on doing one task first, another task by the next day 12pm
The other party simply read it as I am rejecting to do the other task
How do I stop people from reading between the lines and penalizing me for it?

I mentioned that according to the goals and goals description, I did everything but I still get “under performance” grading
She commented that it’s because I am not pro-active enough in asking for things to do
I did pro-actively ask for tasks, but the tasks were not entrusted to me
She added that it’s because I didn’t gain the trust of the project managers

At the end of the day, why are we grading using “pro-activeness” instead of the lengthy goals and goals description?
She says it’s more of a “hidden clause” to gauge performance
So to be fair, we will add this “hidden clause” in the next performance review
If the goals were mutually agreed upon to grade my performance, shouldn’t we be using that as a benchmark instead?

She explained that prior to the performance review, the LM already has a mindset of how the performance of the person would be
For example, A would score a total of 3 out of 5
Then the LM would look into the performance review form to lower the score of the person in order to match the 3 out of 5
Why are we spending so much time trying to set goals in the first place
When it all goes down to the perception of my LM who is far away in Bangkok
Judgement being passed based on hearsay
Someone who doesn’t even know how many projects I have been working on

During my year end performance review talk, she asked how many projects I’ve been assigned (by her)
I listed them one by one
She asked me the same question again in Feb 2012, saying “You have 5 projects right?”
No… I have 7! I listed them one by one again
In Apr 2012, she again said “You have 6 projects right?”
I relate all the 7 projects I have
2 weeks after this, she sent out an excel spreadsheet to the entire team listing the projects we are working on
It only indicates 6 projects

How can I expect someone like this to grade my performance fairly?

My LM’s LM mentioned that there will be a new line manager on board in probably in July
We would be transferred to the line manager located in Singapore probably around September or October
This is again the time of another year end review
So my year 2012 performance would once again be based on hearsay?

I question why do I have have to sign the document 5 months after the performance review
They say they have been monitoring my performance and they find that I’ve improved ever since
Hence only 3 months period is given, instead of half a year
If you’ve seen me improved for the past 5 months, why do you need to formally document something to review me for another 3 months?

My position in the system was changed last year to a higher grade
I raised this to LM and she said she wasn’t aware of this, and would check
Half a year passed and nothing came back to me
In the interim, the email on promotion came out and my name wasn’t on it
My LM’s LM said she wasn’t aware that I wasn’t promoted yet
I was promised a promotion in Q4 if my performance continues
It is bewildering that she doesn’t even know who she has given approval for promotion
I went home after a 2.5hour talk with LM’s LM

A decision was made
I handed in my resignation letter on 27 April 2012 afternoon
And my LM’s LM told me she has already waived off the document HR wanted me to sign

If I hadn’t initiated the talk, I would have signed the document as requested
Because of a 2.5hr talk, the document is just waived off so easily!
My resignation letter was rejected and my LM’s LM wanted me to think it over the weekend

I really thought it through
Making sure I wasn’t arriving at a rash decision
Yet I’ve lost so much confidence in the system and people

I finally handed in my resignation letter on the 30 April 2012
Because I am taking 7 days leave in June to go Korea, I was requested to work til 14 July 2012
And all my remaining annual leave to en-cash
I negotiated and we agreed to extend 7 working days instead

As a result, my last working day would be 09 July 2012
Which amounts to nearly 2.5month notice

I felt so relieved ever since
Even though I haven’t had a new job on hand
I hope the road ahead would go smoother

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