I have taken a long long break since my last employment. With more time on hand, there were so much things I did during the break, be it good or bad. There are always two sides to a coin.
I had more time to clean up my room since I moved to this apartment 2 years ago. I found some old memories and threw away some. I learnt the ugly sides of some I used to call “friends” and found new close friends. Most importantly, I stopped and take a good look around me. So often, we are hurrying to somewhere for something. Like rushing through the horrendous traffic and arrived at the office to reply an important email. When it’s time to go home, I even rushed home so I could sink into the comfortable bed and rest my aching muscles. I passed through every day patting myself on the back for having survived yet another long day. When I finally paused in my steps, I wonder, what have I really accomplished?
Nothing.
If we are looking at the superficial records, then you might say I have just gotten my part time degree certificate. I travelled to so many countries, Vietnam, Phuket, Bangkok, Korea, Malaysia and China, over the past 2 years. Despite the numerous healing trips, I still feel myself growing more and more hollow. Knock on any part of me, I could hear echos. The more hallow I get, the urge of not thinking just gets stronger. I just want to sink into my comfort zone and pass through every single day. I didn’t know what was digging into me, but I could sense myself losing motivation in life, in everything.
I turned to books again, recently.
My recent new reads: How to stop sabotaging your carrer, On not knowing what to do.
I lost my library card many years ago, in face more than 10 years ago. This didn’t stop me from reading. I have been using my family member’s library card to borrow books until I realized I misplace the card after the most recent house move. I reluctantly brace myself to the idea of having to pay for a new library card.
To my surprise at my second return to the library, a very kind librarian gave me a brand new library card free of charge. Weeeee~ I saved $5 for not having to pay for a new card. It is not the amount I saved that delights me. Rather, the acts of kindness bestowed to me. I suddenly feel warm and fuzzy, happy that I’m no longer seen upon as a vulnerable soul for everyone to step on. I feel treasured.
The amazing feelings a simple act of kindness can give me. (Smiles)
Now, back to indulging in my new reads. Laters peeps.