• Fan Accounts turned Fanfics?

    Happy New Year everyone!
    Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015!

    How did you spend your New Year countdown? I was feeling lazy and decided to skip all invitations to stay home and chillax on New Year’s Eve. I’m not sure if you are aware, every year in Korea, the major broadcasting stations took turns for the New Year Eve countdown broadcast slot. This year, the countdown programme “Gayo Daejaejun” on 31 December 2014 was held by MBC. A long list of artists and groups joined in to celebrate the passing from year 2014 to 2015. The recording is held at three different locations to split up the overwhelming crowd to witness the programme live.

    This morning, I woke up to my Twitter filled with fan accounts of this Gayo Daejaejun by a single person. It is her first time travelling to Korea and to see her idols in person there. The fan accounts that came >10 hours late are very detailed and shows how much interaction she has with her bias from BEAST. Towards the end of her fan account, I am certain that she was, and still is having delusions.

    I declare that I am a fan of BEAST and I call myself a proud B2UTY. I have seen the members performed before me and I truly believe the good I see in them is really the good they behold.

    All fans fantasize about their idols, including me. I love how the male idols display their affection with their group members, concerned about their fans’ safety and well-being. I hope the idols I like are genuinely kind and positive. I am living in a faraway land that takes 6 hours of flight time to fly directly to Korea. One of the ways I could stay updated with news of my idols is through fan accounts on Twitter. These are accounts given by fans on Twitter, who have the opportunities to see a live performance or even meet the idols up front and personal.

    Like what Jongsuk said in his drama Pinocchio: “How scary it is to talk carelessly without knowing the weight of your own words”. The fan whom I mentioned above, has 16.6k followers on Twitter and this is the reach her words stretch. There are fans who yet have a chance to see BEAST in person and rely heavily on her tweets. Any words that are untrue may give these fans false hopes that they too would be entitled such an experience when they travel to Korea.

    When I see the replies given by all the international fans to her, I could see how much they held on to her words and everyone wishing they were there to receive the same treatment. I myself have seen BEAST perform live from row 1 and I agree that they give awesome fan service. Yet from my personal experience, they do not focus on one single person for that entire time on stage. The more I read, the more I fumed, which is why I am writing this post.

    I’ve highlighted the important parts because her posts are too long. There’s a summary given at the end, if you want to skip all the lengthy posts.

    Let’s go with her flow of fan accounts, starting with seats. She mentioned there were only 3 B2UTYs in the zone, she and her friend, with another person. We can deduce from here that she was not seated on the front row as another B2UTY was sitting in front of  her.

    Here, she added that the B2UTY sitting in front of her left, leaving only she and her friend in that zone. From this account onwards, you can see the personal interaction she cited with the BEAST members.

    Firstly, Hyunseung kept staring at her.
    Then Doojoon and Kikwang kept looking over, make eye contact and wave.
    Kikwang and her took turns making heart with arms and throwing at each other for a couple of times.
    Kikwang also gave her his boyish childish grin.

    She continues to say Kikwang would always sway his body to catch her eye.
    Doojoon waved goodbye to her a couple of times.
    Doojoon was almost always looking for her.

    She screamed for Dongwoon and he chuckled at her scream and waved at her.
    Then Doojoon, Kikwang, Yoseob and Dongwoon waved at her, as usual.

    From here onwards, her fan accounts took a step further from reality since it was with her bias, Junhyung.

    She said Junhyung kept staring at her.
    He was looking at her the whole time.
    Then he smirked and pointed at her.

    He kept his smirk on and continued looking at her.
    He would turn around and look around, but he would always turn back to look at her.
    Even up til the last moment on stage (I am doing translations from English to English, because her English is bad), he was looking at her and smirking once in a while.

    She re-tweeted another person’s pictures and claimed that he was looking at her.

    Again on the seats, this time she said she was on the last row.
    She then assumed (she used the word “think” but this is as good as an assumption) that Junhyung didn’t like them to take photos.
    She mentioned he looked at her again.

    She said she mouthed to tell him to go to her but he shook his head and smirked.  
    She pouted at him and he pouted back.
    She continued to say he looked at her again.

    She then explained how Junhyung took care of her by staring hard at her with fingers in his ears, as indication for her to do the same.

    And despite above assumption that Junhyung doesn’t like to take photos, she told him to smile at her camera.
    Then she said he smiled for her camera, according to her instructions.

    This is her post about the photo Junhyung smiled for her.



    She continued to say Junhyung was looking at her direction 80% of the time.

    According to her, Junhyung did a hand bow without bowing his head to keep looking at her.
    She added that she cannot be very sure if he was looking at her.

    She said he smirked at her and pretty sure he knew she liked him the most.

    She continued to add that the pictures are backing her fan accounts.

    She re-tweeted the following photos to imply that these are the photos that are evidence.

    She must be implying that he was pouting at her here.

    She “clarified” that she wasn’t boasting about her experiences which is in every way, a false statement.

    She continued to say this is like the look after he pointed at her.

    And she said she was talking to him (from last row) and he was staring at her.
    Then he laughed at her.

    She saw someone’s photo of Doojoon in action and claimed that he was dancing with her.

    Allow me to summarise.

    She was the only B2UTYs in the section
    In a big venue with hundreds or even thousands of fans, she claims that her section of seats only had 2 people (her and her friend) who were B2UTYs. Either she’s trying to say BEAST had very little fans (which obviously wasn’t true) or her statement of only 2 B2UTYs in that section not true. Of course I do not assume she’s lying. She is perhaps only blind enough to un-see all the other B2UTYs in the zone.

    Her seat
    She was sitting in the last row in her section of seats. From my conversations from artist friends, with the bright spotlight shining on them onstage, they usually cannot see beyond row 2. Unless of course they shield their eyes with their hands. Most of the times, the spotlight is simply too blinding. Yes they could hear your screams and determine where you are shouting from. But no, they cannot see you if you are seated at the last row. And her section of seats has more than 2 rows. BEAST members did not constantly shield their eyes to look at fans. Imagine how weird it would be. Again, I do not imply she’s lying. Perhaps, delusional.

    Junhyung’s smile for her camera
    She said Junhyung followed her instructions and smiled for her camera. The first picture is too blur to proof anything, evidence as good as none. You can’t even see who is who with this picture. I am quite certain she is not using a DSLR of likes, but a digital camera. Getting an image this blur with DSLR is hard.

    The second picture though, proof very well how far she was seated from the members, simply base on the amount of zoom she used to get the picture. The menu options further confirmed my suspicion that she was using a digital camera. Korean artists posing for a good camera such as DSLR is common. They would search in the crowd for a good camera and approaches the camera to pose for good pictures. Posing for a digital camera is rare because it is hard for them to spot your small compact digital camera in the first place.

    Junhyung’s bow while looking at her
    She put a disclaimer to say it might not be true, if a fan cam appears to be proof against her words. In another words, it is true if there is no such fancam. This is as good as sprouting nonsense and say unless you prove me wrong with a video, otherwise I am always right!

    Junyung knew she liked him the most
    How do I even start? Unless we get to ask Junhyung, we wouldn’t know for sure right?

    Pictures back up her “story”
    Those pictures could only confirm the members did the actions such as putting fingers into their ears, but it does not confirm whatever interactions she claimed they had. She did not appear in the pictures and judging from the background, we can’t even know where he was facing. I could say he was staring at me all the time!

    Doojoon danced with her
    She was telling stories based on pictures. A good picture appeared and she claimed the member was doing something with her based on the picture.

    Junhyung pouted at her
    Let me refresh your memory. She said he pouted at him and he pouted back, by which she swore it was the truth and she’s not delusional.

    A fan site uploaded the following picture of him obviously pouting at the fan site’s camera.

    This fan strikes again, this time to say he pouted after he turned from her.
    So did he pouted at her or not?

    Fan accounts time frame
    Lastly, I must share that usually fan accounts are uploaded at the time of the performance, or immediately after the performance. This is because our human brains are tricky and may sometimes insert images into our mind, which we really thought happened. For example, I once sent some Korean artists off from Changi Airport. Amidst the chaos, I vividly remembered one of them came forward to gave all of us a wave before heading off. Lucky for me, I was videoing the whole thing and no, he didn’t came forward to wave at all. I had no idea why I thought that happened. This girl’s fan accounts came after she went home and slept through the night, written the next day. I can say for sure that fan accounts to come this late and after a good night sleep, it is definitely 100% not the truth.

    On the overall, I choose to believe good in all mankind, so I keep telling myself she wasn’t lying deliberately. She is just plain delusional and believe in the images conjured up in her head beyond doubt, then spread those as if they were the truth.

    I’ve stated my doubts and it is up for you to judge.

  • Come Back Home

    2014 did not get a good start, and it certainly didn’t end on a good note. The overturned Sewol Ferry in April took so many innocent lives. MH370 shocked the entire nation when it went missing. With the technology advancement in our age today, we didn’t think it was possible to have a plane gone missing. Yet again, this morning, QZ8501 faces the same fate of going missing.

    Having worked as a cabin crew previously, I too have multiple experiences sitting in the plane with the turbulence so bad that I thought I would never make it home. I see the passengers turned their heads looking at me for assurance, and all I could do was to give my best poker face, while I was strapped tightly to the safety harness, as though everything was under control.

    In fact, I didn’t know if everything was under control. I couldn’t give any assurance because I too have my own doubts and fear. At that time, all I did was non-stop running through the safety procedures in my head so that if we ever land safely and I am still alive, I could immediately spring up from my seat and do the necessary. Shout the necessary commands, check the conditions outside the plane and hopefully determine it is safe enough to open a door and evacuate everyone to safety.

    Fortunately for me, no matter how rough the flights were, I always made it home safely, thanks to the Captains and First Officers I flew with. It dawned upon me that whenever we bump into fellow crew along the hallway previously, we always greeted each other in a loud cheery voice “Have a safe flight!”, but I never really meant what I said. To me back then, it was a protocol to follow, a culture I adapted to in the line of work. It never occurred to me that one of us might not make it home.

    QZ8501 is an Airbus A320 aircraft that I was so familiar with. Back in the days when I was flying, the airline I worked for only operates on Airbus A320. The route from Surabaya to Singapore is almost a weekly trip for me, if not multiple trips in a week. I used to say that going to work back then is like taking a bus ride. This route is approximately 2hrs, and it is almost equivalent to the the time I took to travel from my house to my work place. Yet today, those crew and passengers on QZ8501 might not make it back home safely and my heart aches just at the thought of it.

    Have faith in the flight deck crew. Be safe please, I pray.

  • A Break

    I didn’t realise I have not been blogging for such a long time. It is once again Beast’s comeback! Hooray! Two comebacks in a year, Beauties are really spoilt. In case you have not heard the new song released last night at 12.30am (KST), do check out the MV below!

    It has been quite a different experience for the past few months. I stepped down from a stable job in the government sector and joined a total different trait. Unfortunately, I seem to have joined the wrong team and went through a very painful period. I finally put an end to everything today, when my endurance reached it’s peak.

    To cut story short, there are people who really needs to learn what basic respect is. And threatening to jump off a building doesn’t work for me, no matter how many times it is used.

    I guess they’ve shown their remorse and really wants to hold on to me. Though I’m quite sure given their characters, it wouldn’t be long for their true colours to show once again. A pity it’s too late. (Shrugs)

    On a side note, I’m available almost 24/7 now. I am sleeping so much that my skin condition turned so much better. Other than my driving lessons, I do not have any plans at all. Speaking of driving lessons, I am having so much fun sitting behind the wheel. Why didn’t I learn driving earlier? I sped so much during the lessons that the instructors have to constantly remind me to watch out for my speed. Ha!

    I just returned from my Korean trip last month. It’s my second and last trip… … for the year, sadly. I have no idea when I’d go again but definitely looking forward to it. Perhaps it’s time to share some itinerary for my vacation. Do keep a look out for this space!

  • Random Ramblings

    August passes in a blink of eye, and September is here. Wooosh! September is already halfway gone. I was just celebrating my birthday last week. The next moment, I realised I am on my way to next birthday. Gosh! We spent the young years wishing time would pass faster, and we’d grow big enough to make our own decisions. Now, I wish time could reverse and have someone make my decisions for me, telling me it’s for my own good.

    My emotions are all over the place. Accidentally let my well hidden drawer chest loose and emo nemo came swimming out.

    Time to screw the chest back in place.

  • Grandma’s Birthday

    It was my Grandma’s birthday yesterday. The entire family paid her a visit and celebrate the day with her. A lot of my aunts and uncles finally managed to see my sister for the longest time. I wasn’t feeling very well the whole of yesterday but still decided to go. Luckily I made that decision! The entire family went and I can’t imagine what awful things they would say if I hadn’t go.
     My sister snapped this photo when none of us noticed. I look so unglam here. LOL~ Kids in this picture was only a fraction of the grandchildren. My grandma gave birth to 7 children, and all of them have at least 1kid. You can imagine the number of grandchildren there yesterday. Even my younger cousin’s girlfriend was there.


    My happy grandma here 

    My aunt made the cheesecake you see in the picture. Friends around me would know I don’t take cheesecake. I feel like puking whenever I eat cheesecake. I don’t know why but my body simply rejects this particular favor in my system.

    My aunts was ordering everyone to eat it yesterday, commenting that we have to regardless whether we like it. Of course I am aware and thankful of her efforts for making the cake, it looks delicious. But my taste buds simply refuse to acknowledge that, what can I do? There’s nothing I could do but to gulp it down. If I hadn’t, they would make judgements like being rude because I’m afraid of getting fat. I don’t want to go through swallowing back own vomit again. ㅠㅠ

    Such a tiring day yesterday. Fighting the cramps in my stomach, forcing a smile on my face and acting like I’m enjoying everyone asking me about my job. Why do people judge based on your career and the monetary values it brings you? If you have a career that brings good money, they assume you are happy. If not, they assume you’re simply wasting your life away. Yet never once, they ask “Are you happy?”

    Sometimes friends are better than distant relatives because they think before they judge. They look at you at the same level, and not put you down. Your joke is laughed off because it is meant to be, and not being chided for not knowing where you stand in the family hierarchy.

    Perhaps one day I could learn to laugh off my distant relatives’ impaired judgement too.

  • Milestone!

    I just recently opened up this blog not long ago, slightly more than 1month to be exact. If you have the patience to scroll through my entries right from the start, good for you! You might notice that it goes back all the way to March 2011.

    Hey, I’m not lying when I said this blog was opened a month ago!

    The entries prior to September 2012 were all written in my Livejournal blog. I merely migrated them over. I took the time to even edit the time and date of the articles to exactly when I’ve written them. The painstaking efforts (Sniffs)…

    Anyway I stepped in my blog today, wondering if I should just add a random entry and voila! I am the 1000th visitor of my own blog (Throws Confetti)!
     
    It only me a month to build up 1000 visits, I hope the future visit milestones will get even more promising. Heh~

    Thank you everyone who have visited my blog!!! 

  • Statcounter Fixed

    Finally fixed the statcounter on my blog!
    The irritating “Send Feedback” button on the bottom right of the page is changed to a statcounter
    Hooray~

    Happy refreshing my page, people! ^^/

    Some random rumblings
    I guess it’s time I re-pick up the Korean which I left dangling somewhere
    But I just need the “oomph” in life to get me back on the track again
    Like having Yesungie’s Kakao talk ID would be such a great help
    All I have is Donghae’s
    Bah… That boy doesn’t reply messages
    Humph~

    Still forever procrastinating… … …

  • Driven To A Decision

    I guess I should document the decision factors that lead to my resignation
    For I have a tendency to think back and reprimand myself for not holding it out longer

    It started with the year end performance review talk that lasted less than 15min with my LM
    She gave me feedback such as I didn’t ‘decorate’ (in the exact words) the documents I send to project managers
    If they had wanted me to decorate, jolly well ask me to
    Why go such a long way to ask me decorate an excel spreadsheet?!
    And who decorates excel spreadsheet anyway?!!!

    Either way the year end review talk ended
    I nearly hyperventilate when I saw my 2.5 outta 5 score weeks later
    All the feedback were untrue and unjustified!

    Another person with grade higher than me does something once per year gets “meet expectation” score
    I do things right for every month, yet get “under expectation”
    WHY?!

    A person claimed that I said something which I didn’t
    Then I got penalized for it
    WHY?!!!!!

    The same person has changing standards every week because she couldn’t make up her fucking mind
    At the end of the day I get comments that says I hand in low quality work because she has to change it to the way she likes
    GO AND DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I tried setting up expectations call with them
    I tried having face to face sessions to try to set a standard
    I ended up having to wait for you for hours, then watch you eat lunch before you could talk to me
    Give me some respect will you?!

    My LM spoke to me on 23 Apr 2012 and dodged my questions for performance review
    She told me to put all this behind
    A document will be sent to me indicating the areas I should agree on

    I was so upset over the conversation that I didn’t turn up for work on 24 Apr 2012
    I cried throughout

    The document was sent to me on 25 Apr 2012
    It again gave me a shock to see terms in the document requiring my signature as follow:

    While this review period is currently scheduled for 90 days, it is expected that you will immediately demonstrate a willingness to improve and show immediate progress in the areas noted above.  Failure to do so may result in further action prior to the end of the initial review period.

    Immediate and significant improvement in your performance is required. Failure to demonstrate improvement, meet goals and expected behaviors, required outcomes and maintain improved performance may result in further corrective action up to and including termination.

    It is agreed and understood that my employment is terminable at the will of either party and that this document is not an employment contract for any specified period of time. My signature indicates I understand the terms, conditions and requirements stated above.

    I initiated a chat with my LM’s LM on 26 Apr 2012
    The talk was supposed to start at 5pm but she was late for an hour
    We went through my year end preview

    She mentioned that what I had meant may not be perceived by the other party
    The email I wrote on doing one task first, another task by the next day 12pm
    The other party simply read it as I am rejecting to do the other task
    How do I stop people from reading between the lines and penalizing me for it?

    I mentioned that according to the goals and goals description, I did everything but I still get “under performance” grading
    She commented that it’s because I am not pro-active enough in asking for things to do
    I did pro-actively ask for tasks, but the tasks were not entrusted to me
    She added that it’s because I didn’t gain the trust of the project managers

    At the end of the day, why are we grading using “pro-activeness” instead of the lengthy goals and goals description?
    She says it’s more of a “hidden clause” to gauge performance
    So to be fair, we will add this “hidden clause” in the next performance review
    If the goals were mutually agreed upon to grade my performance, shouldn’t we be using that as a benchmark instead?

    She explained that prior to the performance review, the LM already has a mindset of how the performance of the person would be
    For example, A would score a total of 3 out of 5
    Then the LM would look into the performance review form to lower the score of the person in order to match the 3 out of 5
    Why are we spending so much time trying to set goals in the first place
    When it all goes down to the perception of my LM who is far away in Bangkok
    Judgement being passed based on hearsay
    Someone who doesn’t even know how many projects I have been working on

    During my year end performance review talk, she asked how many projects I’ve been assigned (by her)
    I listed them one by one
    She asked me the same question again in Feb 2012, saying “You have 5 projects right?”
    No… I have 7! I listed them one by one again
    In Apr 2012, she again said “You have 6 projects right?”
    I relate all the 7 projects I have
    2 weeks after this, she sent out an excel spreadsheet to the entire team listing the projects we are working on
    It only indicates 6 projects

    How can I expect someone like this to grade my performance fairly?

    My LM’s LM mentioned that there will be a new line manager on board in probably in July
    We would be transferred to the line manager located in Singapore probably around September or October
    This is again the time of another year end review
    So my year 2012 performance would once again be based on hearsay?

    I question why do I have have to sign the document 5 months after the performance review
    They say they have been monitoring my performance and they find that I’ve improved ever since
    Hence only 3 months period is given, instead of half a year
    If you’ve seen me improved for the past 5 months, why do you need to formally document something to review me for another 3 months?

    My position in the system was changed last year to a higher grade
    I raised this to LM and she said she wasn’t aware of this, and would check
    Half a year passed and nothing came back to me
    In the interim, the email on promotion came out and my name wasn’t on it
    My LM’s LM said she wasn’t aware that I wasn’t promoted yet
    I was promised a promotion in Q4 if my performance continues
    It is bewildering that she doesn’t even know who she has given approval for promotion
    I went home after a 2.5hour talk with LM’s LM

    A decision was made
    I handed in my resignation letter on 27 April 2012 afternoon
    And my LM’s LM told me she has already waived off the document HR wanted me to sign

    If I hadn’t initiated the talk, I would have signed the document as requested
    Because of a 2.5hr talk, the document is just waived off so easily!
    My resignation letter was rejected and my LM’s LM wanted me to think it over the weekend

    I really thought it through
    Making sure I wasn’t arriving at a rash decision
    Yet I’ve lost so much confidence in the system and people

    I finally handed in my resignation letter on the 30 April 2012
    Because I am taking 7 days leave in June to go Korea, I was requested to work til 14 July 2012
    And all my remaining annual leave to en-cash
    I negotiated and we agreed to extend 7 working days instead

    As a result, my last working day would be 09 July 2012
    Which amounts to nearly 2.5month notice

    I felt so relieved ever since
    Even though I haven’t had a new job on hand
    I hope the road ahead would go smoother

  • I Wanna Escape

    I guess it really got to me
    Tears wouldn’t stop flowing on Monday night
    Thought I had it all sorted out but clearly I didn’t

    I still care about people’s perceptive of my performance
    And that I feel unjustified for the treatment given

    Tried forcing myself to sleep the entire night
    Watched vids of my boys on repeated mode
    It did lighten my spirits a little
    I eventually dozed off at around 4am in the morning

    Probably due to the lack of sleep
    And my rebellious mode was somehow switched on
    I didn’t go to work the next morning

    Towards the night, I got paranoid again on the work waiting for me due to my absence
    I dread what’s waiting for me
    I feel naked and torn for what’s gonna happen

  • Hey

    I’m sorry I think you into someone else
    And like you for it

    I didn’t even bother try knowing you
    It is so much easier liking the character and place it on you
    Compared to getting to know you

    Yet again
    All this I’m feeling does not make a difference to anyone

    I just wish you’d know my existence